01 December 2003 - 2:41 p.m.

I just found a very glossy invitation to a book signing followed by a VIP party in my mailbox.

Apparently, VIP stands for "vacillating, insignificant plebe," which is generally what most people feel like when trying to deal with the signer of books/inviter to parties in question. I know I do.

I hardly ever go to book signings because 1. I can't afford to buy all those books and 2. Generally the vacillating, insignifcant plebes do not get invited for free cocktails afterward.

So the ironic thing about this event is that I already have this dude's book, but I'd have to make a special trip to go and pick it up in order to get it signed.

And I can't act like I don't have the book, or even apologize for not being able to buy the book, because the dude gave it to me for free. So if I show up withotu it, it will look like I just want to go to the after party. Which is true.

At this point you are probably wondering why someone who appears to dislike me gave me a book and also invited me to a party. I am wondering this same thing.

The worst part of it is, it's a really good book.

But not a good enough book to own two of, especially if I have to pay money for one of them.

Ooh, ooh! Maybe I could buy one, get it signed, save the recept, and return the one I already have, unsigned. Will that work?

Note that the "V" stands for "vacillating."

What I'm wearing: Yellow shirt, jeans.

What I'm reading: Dripping faucet.

What I'm doing after this: Vacillating some more.