31 May 2002 - 11:13 p.m.

Gus' roommate was out of town, which meant we got to do something awfully frisky - eat pork!

I LOVE pork. Grilled, barbequed, in Italian luncheon meats of various forms, bangers, kielbasa, or as we say in Pittsburgh, kabossy. Bacon is my favorite food in the entire world. And as much as I would love to be Jewish, I have to give props to my British/Italian/Eastern European roots. I respect vegetarianism and all, but my people did not deny themselves the glory that was pig flesh, nor will I. And if Babe didn't change my mind, nothing will.

Tonight, I bought two thick pork chops, covered them in brown sugar, poured soy sauce on top, and topped off with a tablesppon of butter each. I covered with foil and baked at 350 for 45 minutes, removed the foil, and baked 15 more.

Follow that recipe, add a side of yams, pack your bags, and enjoy your stay in PORK PARADISE.

I would have fixed bacon surprise as an appetizer, but two things stopped me. One, I didn't want to OD on pork products, after so many vegetarian entrees, and two, it's not bacon surprise when you have to wrap the "surprise" in bacon yourself. I guess I could have surprised Gus, but I was already cooking his damn yams to perfection, which is not really too hard, but takes too solid hours to get right.

But the damn yams were worth it, and not just because they tasted yamtastic, but because yam rhymes with damn, which reminds me of my favorite pork/To Kill a Mockingbird memory: the scene in which Scout asks if someone will pass the damn ham. It's a minor scene, but important to my cause, which I just decided was a cause right now. Now that I am on a crusade to tell people how much I love pork, I extend my gratitude to Harper Lee for proving beyond argument that pork can be amusing.

Amusing like a fox!

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