22 October 2003 - 11:43 p.m.

http://depts.washington.edu/felniana

I have to go. I have to. Only I can't. I can't swing airfare to Seattle, or hotel, or even a traveling companion. I can't drive because it will amount to missing almost two weeks of class.

I keep telling myself it's not a big deal. It's not like it's a Val Lewton Conference; the world is full of Fellini experts and there will be other conferences, right?

I can even have my own Barbara Steele Halloween Party. Not that Barbara Steele would actually be there, but if Intervista teaches us anything, it's that celluloid is better than the real thing, right?

Sigh.

Even if I knew about the concert in time to scout out some funding, I probably wouldn't have gone. It's just that reading about all those amazing people and their research, and thinking about all those films I worship reminded me how long it's been since I was really excited abut something.

What I'm wearing: PJs

What I'm reading: the sobs of futility

What I'm doing after this: feeling crappy about my life choices. Again.