14 October 2002 - 7:05 p.m.

I guess you might as well know that my grandmother does plan to visit me this weekend, I do plan to talk her out of it tomorrow.

The reason can basically be summed up by my mother's response to her inviting herself here:

"Your uncle [her son] went to college in the state she lived in for four years and she didn't visit him once because she was too busy. She just wants to visit you because she is bored. If you don't have time to entertain her this weekend, just say so."

My mother also apologized, sincerely, for not having been adopted by someone else.

It's really hard to describe my grandparent situation without seeming like a bad person. For whatever reason, it's okay to bitch about a psycho mom or a distant dad, but to say you'd like the elders to suck a big choad is somehow damn insensitive.

So, like I said, I won't type a whole entry defending myself for not wanting to spend time with my grandmother. After 22 years of her being fairly disinterested in my education, I don't see the point in reconnecting. And apathy aside, I can see all the ways in which she is/was not there for her daughter, aka my mom, and it bugs the life out of me. My grandmother and I aren't really close enough for her to hurt me, but consider me hurt on my mom's behalf. Everyone else gets to see me at Thanksgiving, and no one is complaining.

I had a sudden craving for a little wedding planning action last night, possibly set off by my grandmother's suggestion that she take me shopping. This is never fun. This does not end in me getting useful things or things I would enjoy. For example, when she asked my mom what I needed for grad school, my mom told her I needed a blender, which was true. So my grandmother purchased for me a nautical-themed hamper, a picture of sailboats, and some pink placemats and napkin rings.

I still need a blender.

Perhaps I am looking a gift horse in the mouth. On the other hand, if my grnadmother is convinced she can only relate to me by buying me things, I wish she'd err on the side of the practical, and not the nautical.

Why do I bring this up? Because the only thing I need/want to shop for whilst in Roanoke is my wedding dress. And shortly before my grandmother began her hurricane of travel plans, I was on the outs with her for not telling her I had gotten engaged.

"Why had you not told her you were engaged, jpellecchia?"

Because I was waiting till Thanksgiving to tell people in person. I'm inconsiderate like that.

S even though I promised not to go on a long tirade about why I don't want my grandmother here, the simple fact that my grandmother and I can't look at wedding dresses together ust goes to show what kind of relationship we (don't?) have.

This really makes me miss my shopping pals of yore. Granted, I'm sure Ms. V would accompany me, but I'm not so sure marriage is her thing right now, and while my roommate and I have undertaken many shopping trips together, she'd probably rather I'd smother her to death with a Beer Chan towel than drag her into a bridal salon.

Which wouldn't be a bad way to go.

How Montaigne would it be if I just ended this entry right here?

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: