13 October 2002 - 12:00 p.m.

Maybe if I stay online all day, I don't have to worry about any grandparents calling.

Let me tell you why this is something I'd rather not worry about.

Grandmother the first wants to visit this weekend. She was never - what's the word I'm looking for?

Oh, invited. I did not invite her. We were having a perfectly normal conversation in which I divulged way too much information (address, email, etc., though how she got my phone # in the first place is anyone's guess), when suddenly she announced, "I'd like to come down. I'd like to come down for about 5 days around the 17 or 18."

Huzzah. Ha-freakin-zah. My grandmother is so totally uninterested in my life that she never bothered learning how to spell my name correctly (I shit you not), and now she wants to visit me for five days.

I don't know how to get out of this one. Staying online isn't even foolproof, because she has my email. I think I'm seriously going to have to contract a disease that will have me quarrantined. But then, she's a nurse. Fuck!

Grandmother the second thinks we should talk weekly. She thinks this is a normal/desirable thing for a 22-year old. As with grandmother the first, I never contacted her with my phone number. Should I ever decide to get offline, I think it might be time to have a word with my parents.

The fact that GTS wants to call every Sunday should not be too surprising, since she and my father talk almost every day. That's all well and good, since any Italian-Americans reading this know all about mammismo, or mommy-ism, and their special little bond takes up their time, not mine. But the problem with GTS's phone talk is that she doens't really have any, since all she does with her life is cook, watch TV, and talk to my dad. Really. Typically, on Sunday, she calls my house, talks to my dad for an extra-long time, then waits until afternoon, because I'm a dillettante student who sleeps all day, and calls me and tells me all about what my dad, mom, and brother have been up to lately.

Fascinating, I tell you, particularly because I'm pretty sure that I have spoken to my dad, mom, and brother individually within the past week, and they have told me themselves what they're up to. Better yet, since Sunday seems to be the fashion for family phone talk, often between the time GTS calls my dad and me, my mom or dad will call to give me a sneak preview of coming attractions.

Typically, after GTS has filled me in on the lives of other people, she puts my grandfather on the phone. He is always surprised to hear my voice, like this doesn't happen every week, at the same time. He then tells me how proud he is of me (he has NO CLUE what I'm doing wiht my life; he thinks I want to teach, like, children, or be a stenographer) and how I have a lot to be grateful for (true, but do I want this pointed out to me on a regular basis?)

I love my family.

That was sarcastic.

But I do love my family if we are only talking about the nuclear portion. And grandfather the first, who is divorced from grandmother the first, which had to have added years to his life.

The last time I talked to grandfather the first, it was Easter Sunday. He just wanted to let us know that he had gotten home safely from the festivities, and told me that no matter what grad school I decided to go to, I would make the right choice, and good luck.

And that was it.

Why can't he call every week?

Oh, because that would be annoying and make me dread talking to him.

See how it works?

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: