08 October 2001 - 3:30 p.m.

I haven't updated in for-friggin-ever. Sorry.

This has nothing to do with my marbe magnet empire. I haven't even broken ground on my marble magnet empire. What I have done is a shitload of coursework. I am now spending between 3 and 10 hours a day writing papers, screenplays, or essays, and yes, I am still attempting to enjoy it. And my grades are stellar, because I am a geek. But the moral of the story is that the last thing I wanna do after writing an essay on crafts and war, two film papers, and a treatment for a film over the course of one weekend is sit at the computer some more. Sue me.

The really negative effect of all this work, though, is that I suddenly hate being alone. this weekend, when i wasn't working, I was either shopping with Gus, bowling, babysitting, or acting in a student film (yeah, student film! I heart that term. It sounds so deliciously art-porn.) But this means that when I am not engaging in fun times with friends, I am working my ass off alone. Last night when Gus left my apartment, I actually cried. At first, I thought that reeked of co-dependence, but then I realized that when I had no one to entertain, I had not good reason not to work on yet another big assignment that would keep me awake long into the night, drained in the morning, and stressed out until it comes back to me with a decent grade. So yeah, the side affects of workaholism are taking their toll on me and those that I love. Fuck.

I have decided that I could not be a movie star. it is very stressful being a movie star, at least it is for a control freak like me. You shoot all the scenes out of order, and so learning your lines is a totally stupid idea. What's with that? I dunno, I had a good time for the 4 hours or so that I was working, but I must say that it is not for me, and wouldn't be even if I were photogenic with stage presence.

Today I walked past a table that some socialists had set up, and was horrified with the propaganda I saw. Not that I have any problem with socialists visiting campus, but their signs were so badly proofread! I thought about offering to stick some commas into their hand-written posters, but I didn't want to seem like an asshole.

Maybe this was more grating to me than usual because we are now pretty much at war, and I still don't know exactly how I feel about this whole war/peace thing. I mean, I don't like war, but this isn't friggin' Vietnam; it's not the kind of thing where we can say, "It isn't our affair, we shouldn't be fighting." I guess if there was ever a time to fight, it's now. I guess.

So I'll try to temper my inner turmoil with open-mindedness. Even if the socialists really need a proofreader.

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: