2001-08-17 - 12:05 p.m.

The Information Age has separated officekind into several groups of people. There are those who love the internet, at the expense of getting any work done. (Having evolved, of course, from those who used to do nothing but play computer solitaire.) There are those who'll have nothing to do with it, or are too busy to surf - often these same people, and they opt instead to write books or do volunteer work, or otherwise contribute to society. And then there are those who don't bother with net surfing, but roam around the office and rat on everyone who does.

Yes, I'm referring to Penny Hatpin. While she hasn't taken part in any particularly annoying antics lately, I've come to the conclusion that she can't get anything done. I mean, all she does is teach one class in the morning, come back to the office, nose around for free food, even though our fridge usually contains nothing more than old butter, ketchup, skim milk and a half-empty can of ginger ale, see if she can get someone to go out and get her tofu pad thai for her so she doesn't have to walk out to the vendortrucks, eats in her office, and bugs people for the rest of the day. Or silently hovers around sneaking peeks at everyone's monitor. I really wish she could develop a personal relationship with Diaryland, or eBay , or Salon or something, because I am sick to death of her voyeuristic tendencies. It's okay, eBay. She's just jealous of our love.

Why she doesn't get fired, I will never know.

In other news, here is a headline that has completely broken my heart: "Allen Would Love to Hire Tom Cruise"

And no, that's not Joan or Gracie or Steve Allen they are referring to. Maybe burning my hand with the boiling water for my Maruchan Instant Lunch (ambrosia of the office gods, you know it and I know it) was a kind of omen: "Do not return to the crappy lime iMac. Do not log on to AIM. Do not look at the headlines."

Oh, Woody. Why are you doing this to me? I could get past Soon-Yi, but this is really a lot for a girl to take.

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: