2001-06-27 - 11:27 p.m.

It is not fun being a feminist.

I don't know why I ever thought it would be. In fact, I'm not sure that I ever expected to be a feminist; I guess I just sort of was, all of a sudden. All I know is, I spend every day of my life being pissed off about something, even if it's only 30 seconds of that day. And I'm not hyper-sensitive. The world just really is that sexist. TV commercials, TV shows, magazines, the guy at the table next to me at Dingbat's, and so on, and so on. Don't even get me started on George W. and what he is planning to do to my rights. Suffice it to say, with the Federal goverment being what it is today, being a feminist does not make me feel empowered as a woman. It makes me feel helpless.

Yes, it is the only way I can like/feel good about myself. Or is it? Sometimes I feel likemy self-esteem has manic-depressive tendencies. One day, I am the smartest, sexiest, coolest young thang to hit the Universe in eons. The next, I am completely doubting every choice I have ever made, from where to go to school to having had a Ramen cup for breakfast Monday morning. "You're a creative writing major who hasn't written a story since December," I say. I make Dean's list, and I still think I'm wasting four years, that I should drop out, quilt at my parents' house for a few years, marry Gus, and happily reach my complete and utter lack of potential by bredding a little and preparing beef stroganoff a lot. And then, of course, I see myself as fat, alchoholic and miserable, or worse yet, my grandmother (fat, teetotling, and miserable), and decide to pursue an education and a carrer and all that nonsense, just to have given it all a shot.

No this is not going anywhere, and no, I'm not going to explain the background of it; I am too tired at the moment. And yes, I will feel better very soon because I am a perky gal that way. But right now, I just want to say, that I am a feminist, I am allowed to be a femininst, and I have chosen the right path for a women my age, and anyone who thinks that makes me irrational is WRONG! HOO-AH!

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: