11 February 2003 - 6:17 p.m.

Is it gross that every night, lately, I've propped a box of Cheez-Its atop my dresser so I can have my snack and roll my hair at the same time?

If it is, I don't think I'll stop, as curling my hair is a big absurdist gesture anyway, and if that hasn't stopped me, crackers won't. In fact, it's becoming an important ritual, now that I've done it more than twice. Ha.

And every night, when I'm doing it, I get this onscene sense of closure for the whole day, as if what I did at school was not read and write, but move mountains. Or maybe these are the same things.

School amazes me every day. Every day I come home and wash and set my hair and think about how much brilliance there is in the world, from Signor Fellini, the auteur's auteur, to my fellow classmates, even. Maybe it is the one thing I will learn here, but it will hve been worth it. Yesterday someone I didn't think I would ever even be fortunate enough to meet said he'd not only read my book, but would love to, and even that has to be worth the trip, and the two semesters, even if it meant talking relationsips - yes, relationships - with KvB, but what can you do?

Talk about relationships with KvB, I guess.

Today in class, IM, who teaches with fervor that could inspire wallpaper exclaimed, "I can't believe I'm getting paid to do this!" And I couldn't believe I was witnessing it, but I held my tongue and effused in silence.

I know I could gush for several more paragraphs, but I'll just say I think real happiness goes hand in hand with gratitude, more gratitude than you ever thought you'd have because here you are with something better than you ever thought you deserved.

What I'm wearing: Pink 1940s dress, removed to leave white full slip, hose replaced with duck pants, beige cardigan

What I'm reading: "Beware of Darkness," "Till There Was You"

What I'm doing after this: sighing heavily