09 February 2003 - 2:44 p.m.

For example:

"See the girl with the diamond ring? She knows how to shake that thing."

And it's true!

Yes, I have fallen victim to the deadly Kazaa/DSL combination, which is destined to bring procrastination to new heights, at least in my house.

The problem with Kazaa is not that it has every song I've ever wanted to hear. It's that it has every song I've ever wanted to hear, and then about a million more. So here I am, on a Sunday afternoon, a turn-in at high noon on Thursday, with the first good idea for a story I've had in a long time, and it's going largely neglected because I'm sitting here downloading songs just because I can.

You know how it is. You know you've just got to get busy, but you find yourself typing "bea arthur" into the "Artist" field and clicking "Search," just because you can't get a thing done until you know.

I don't think I'm a terminal case, though. I talked myself out of downloading Tim Curry's complete works, for example, because I already have the Rocky Horror soundtrack, and you know everything else is abysmal.

I think my biggest problem is that I like having multiple versions of songs I like. I dunno, I guess it's the cultural theorist in me that gets such a perverse curiosity about whether Ronny James' Dio ever covered "We Can Work it Out." And remember, I'm not just a rock fan. Try doing a Kazaa search for Cole Porter sometime, and bless you if it doesn't eat up your entire afternoon.

One song that I have really liked for a long time, because it's sexy and because it's fun to play at a cocktail party, is "You're the Boss." I've had it on CD for a number of years, as sung by Brian Setzer and Gwen Stefani.

I know, I know. But I was down with the perfomers just because I knew I'd heard the original, but could swear it was done by, I dunno, Rod McCuen and Dawn Welles, or some equally useless people (not to knock Dawn Welles' talent, or coolness or kitch value, but can anyone really claim she's been useful since Gilligan's Island?)

But I looked it up out of curiosity, only to find, to my extreme embarrassment, that the original performers were Elvis and Ann-Margaret.

Who, I'm sorry to have to say, are way more rad in death and old age are exponentially more rad than Setzer and Stefani. Which sounds like a magic act. Cool.

So, I figured I either needed to walk on glass as penance for not knowing this, or familiarize myself with more of the Elvis/Ann-Margaret milieu.

Enter Kazaa.

And let it be known that Ann-Margaret does NOT appear on the "Santa Lucia" cover, which was disappointing, but still worth the download, given that Elvis is singing "Santa Lucia."

Her vocals on "What'd I'd Say" are also pretty minimal, which leads me to believe her role in the song had more to do with sahking her thang on film than anything else. Which is not much of an excuse, what with Elvis earning fame and worship by doing, you know, both simultaneously.

But again, worth the download, for lines like, "See the girl with the red dress on? She can do the dog all night long."

Which I think proves my point that the only difference between the youth of today and the youth of the midcentury is not what they did in the backseat, but whether they knew the terminology. Or rather, whether adults knew the terminology well enough to keep people like Elvis off the radio. Ha.

What I'm wearing: Poilshed cotton drawstring pants with gray on gray print, pink t-shirt, cardigan

What I'm reading: anything and everthing, it would seem

What I'm doing after this: working on a story about a girl who's dad is in a band