09 September 2002 - 4:47 p.m.

I am wearing a white dress, and I keep getting paranoid that my period has arrived while I am sitting in class.

Thank God something like that can only happen every month or so, or I probably would have had what my grandfather refers to as a heart a-stroke by now.

Speaking of which, a morning's worth of HGTV at my parents' house yesterday meant many, many commercials for Orange Clean, Oxy Clean, and the like. I was trying to figure out whether the guy - is his name Billy Mays? - in the commercials is like, the new Ron Popeil, or just the spokesperson for the products. At this point, my father chimed in, "Yeah, that guy's like horse shit used to be!"

"What, Dad?"

"He's everywhere. Like horse shit used to be."

"You mean like, in the 1800s? Before sewage?"

"I guess. Great-Grandpap used to say that. I guess it makes more sense coming from him."

Well, yeah.

A few tips to any old folks reading this: 1. I applaud your Internet savvy! 2. Watch what kind of expressions you pass on to the young. Please.

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: