24 February 2002 - 12:00 a.m.

I'm confused.

And a little indginant, as I can't seem to do anything I want/need to do online.

I'm supposed to be translating Holinshed's Chronicles of England and Scotland from Middle English into - well, I dunno, post-modern American college-student slang? But I can't seem to find the right edition of it online. Hell's bells. Or is it belles? It seems unlikey that either would be running around Hell. Or, now that I think about it, maybe belles would, because belles are pretty annoying. A bevy of belles fanning themselves and ordering thier mammies to bring them mint juleps would certainly make Hell all the more hellish for a sarcastic, school-marmy Yankee bitchwad like me. Regardless, I am on the brink of not doing an assignment for Professor McHotHot. Times are bad indeed.

I figured I would assuage my sadness by perusing eBay for some Fiestaware. I'm thinking of having a dinner party, but I have only 5 dinner plates, and there's nothing like being able to find nice, cheep dishes for even cheeper.

A search for Fiestaware on eBay yielded 419 items. Yeeah!! So I began furiously scrolling and clicking in search of affordable pastel pieces. Except...

after a while, all that clicking and scrolling would result in was an auction for a chartruese relish dish. As did several fialed attempts to get to Diaryland. Um, okay. That's fine. Even though I don't need a relish dish. Even though I HATE chartruese, probably more than orange. Relish in a chartruese dish would surely make me puke, and, though I hate to be a snob, I would probably consider it a party foul if my guests did not puke along with me upon being served relish in a chartruese relish dish.

Chartruese. Relish. Dish. If I had to choose any three words to replace "what the fuck?" in my vocabulary, they would be chartruese, relish, and dish. Don't be surprised if I start dropping "CRD?"s in AIM conversations. This is no trivial matter, people. It's only a matter of time before this Chartruese Relish Vortex begins to affect everyone.

And now for something completely different: I pee at least 7 times a day.

I don't know this because I care, of course. As many of you know, I am a college senior with few prospects in life, but I hope to graduate and make my way in the world anyway. But I can't do that until I take a science class. And this science class requires me to keep track of how many gallons of water I use a day.

Well, FYI, I use however many gallons it takes to flush a toilet times 7, or even as many as 9, every day. Yeah, it's a lot of water. And I feel bad about using that much, but - no I don't! Fuck the environment, I have to pee!

I mean, I recycle. I try to use less electricity. I am a slave to public transportation, through no choice of my own, but that doesn't stop me from taking credit for it. But this water thing, I dunno. I mean, when you gotta go, you gotta go, right? I suppose I could flush less. Ew.

Of course, if it were between not flushing and being caught in this damn Chartruese Relish Dish Vortex forever, bring on the outhouse-like plumbing conditions. Some things are too disgusting for a girl to have to deal with.

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: