16 March 2002 - 12:12 p.m.

Last night I went to my first grown-up party without accompanying my parents or being paid to pour wine.

There is nothing in the world that can make you feel so immature as being excited about a grown-up thing. But it's ok. I approached last night's shindig with the same gusto as my first pair of big-girl shoes, or ride around the block without training wheels. And the absence of one Prof. McHotHot seemed to magically eliminate the possibility of me tripping, spilling wine, or blushing gratuitously. Of course, it also eliminated the opportunity to tell him that I had gotten into yet another grad school, which of course would have led him to profess his love for me and beg me to stay.

Now, this would be a sad moment, because I would, of course, have to turn him down. Gus. having had enough of my wandering lips for one lifetime, told me that if I got drunk and made out with Prof. McHH, he would break up with me and steal my cat. Well, you know how I feel about my cat (ba-dum CHING!), but even if I had to break the esoteric heart of my pretend professor boyfriend, at least it might make my decision easier.

But anyway, it was nice to be at a party where no one was making out with his/her skanky significant other on the futon - in fact, it was nice to be at a party in which no futons, only real furniture was present. And it was nice to be hanging out with my profs!! They are the coolest bunch, and ever so nice, making my decision about where to go next year hard as hell. But check this out - the Prof who was hosting the party happens to be really attractive in this cute kitten-with-a-whip way, which I never really mentioned because 1. I'm a straight female and so is she and 2. She's pretty mod, and my idea of beauty really only spans the Edwardian age to the Kennedy era, so, you know. But all the boys love her, as was evidenced by all the single undergraduate guys who showed up there alone last night, in collared shirts that revealed printed t-shirts underneath, standing alone, leaning against walls and nursing Yuenglings like it was thier last beer before they all went thier separate ways and made separate holes in one of Pittsburgh's three rivers because thier sexy prof hadn't been overcome by the urge to violate them in a closet the moment each sauntered in.

Anyhoo, the point is, Prof. McHH has a female counterpart, and last night as we were leaving, she winked at Gus.

!!!!!!!

This would be so much worse if I were not a lifelong prof-lover, but, as such, I'm pretty happy for the guy, even if he is my boyfriend. I'm also a little jealous - I've never gotten a wink from a sexy prof. So, in the grand jpellecchia tradition of overanalying everything, here is what that wink could have meant:

1. She had something in her eye.

2. She wants to sleep with Gus.

3. She wants to sleep with me, and her wink was a "way to go, now go get a piece of that action!" kind of deal.

4. She and Prof. McHH have a Dangerous Liaisons-esque bet over which one of them will seduce which one of us first.

5. Gus imagined the wink.

6. There was no actual meaning behind the wink.

Number 4 is my favorite, though 1, 5, and 6 are certainly the most likely. But, you know, where there's hope, there's always hope.

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: