1 November 2001 - 7:37 p.m.

Yo. This is not an entry. This is the first page of my essay for this week. But enjoy, if you care to read on.

Sometimes I get cold feet.

I love writing. I really do. But sometimes I get scared when I think about being with one career for the rest of my life. It's great now, but when I think about waking up to the same job morning after morning, I think, "this can't last." Granted, writing is what I've been looking for all my life, but somehow, everything seems to be happening so fast - thinking about the future, getting a master's, maybe even a Ph.D. Am I ready for this kind of commitment?

Lately I've been having fantasies about other careers. Well, just one really. I've always had this thing about big parties and entertaining. So I sent away for some information about correspondence courses on how to become a wedding consultant. It'll only cost $699, and I'll have my certificate in nine months. It's not cheap, but it's a hell of a lot less than graduate school tuition. And it has the potential to be very, very lucrative.

The website I went to so that I could request all of the pamphlets that are now hidden under my bed offered lots of clever propaganda to convince me that bridal consulting was the one clear path to career fulfillment and financial security. Did you know that the average couple spends $10,000 on their wedding? Did you know that the wedding industry is booming, thanks to the fact that now, the father of the bride doesn't necessarily foot the bill for the entire shindig. Rather, the mother of the bride, the bride herself, the groom, the groom's mother, and the groom's father all contribute, along with dear old dad, to fund the swell affair, the likes of which were rarely seen in the days when the financial burden rested on the shoulders of one individual. With six professionals investing capital, what was once a rather simple, vows, cake and garter-toss ritual has taken on the proportions of a significant business merger, or the beginning of a small charitable endowment.

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: