10 August 2002 - 8:57 a.m.

Here's a first: I'm awake before my Mom. I bet that hasn't happened since, oh, Christmas '89.

But at about 7:40, I found myself awake pondering a D-Land issue.

Some background: My pal Don started/runs a Yahoo Group of which many of us kids here on Diaryland are members. I won't say what the group is, but it's a private group, not one of those online clubs that send 200 messages back and forth every day in which we individually declare our love of V. Nabokov. Or Jefferson Davis, even. At the risk of oversimplifying, said Yahoo groups started out as a few friends, and has expanded to include friends of friends, who like to keep up with one another while debating things like current events and literature. Fair enough, Don?

A few days a go, a group member whom I have met only once, at the wedding of another group member, posted to say that he had started an online journal, and if we wanted to keep up with all his shenanigans, we should feel free to check it out.

Hmmm.

Since then, no one has posted his or her D-land url, or even mentioned online diaries, save Don, who, as group adminisrator, just said something to the effect of, "I know some other members keep journals online; they can post at their discretion."

Now, I considered the pros and cons of sharing this diary with the group quite carefully. For one thing, if I did decide to share, I would have to re-read a hell of a lot of entries to be sure that I had not even mildly dissed anyone else in the group. 200+ entries can contain a veritable plethora of mild disses, and there's nothing worse than getting in trouble for something you don't even remember doing.

In an ideal world, people would accept my diary for what it is, see that I don't take stabs at people here unless I am in need of a vent, and remember that good writing is largely about conflict, and I am naturally going to find myself in conflict with people now and then. Because, by and large, the only reason I even keep this diary is to entertain people, and to let my friends know what I'm up to. Because of my regular postings, I don't always have time to participate in other forums like the group that I was talking about earlier. And given that, via D-land, I communicate with total strangers all the time, I should consider opening up more of my writing to people I actually know, but wouldn't regularly see or talk to.

But then it hit me: there are any number of small, tightly-knit groups participating in DiaryLand, like the one made up of CoMputer U. grads/students (linked above.) If I were to broadcast the existence of my diary to a broader group of CoMputer U. grads, I would be exposing every diary on my buddy list, with all the gripes, rants, and yes, mild disses therein, to a lot of people.

And that could get ugly.

I don't want to appear judgemental or unsupportive of the fact that some of my other D-Land pals could offend some of our other friends with what they've written. They are honest, they are quite discreet, and they have managed to keep their writing semi-private. Bravi. The whole point that I am trying to get at in this entry is that it's really funny how a number of people can keep diaries, read the diaries of others, and be trusted to keep the peace, but other people, often good and trusted friends, are totally left out of the loop for whatever reason, and then we end up saying possibly unflattering things about them.

Is there some kind of psychology involved here? For those of you who also have friends on D-land: how do you decide whom you can bitch about, and who is exempt?

Clearly, I'm not going to share my diary with the group. Now that I think about it, one of the main people in question knows I keep an online diary, and does not seem remotely interested. If people come to D-land of there own accord, or if it comes up in conversation, I'm prepared to be honest, but I'm not going to open up other people to possible drama just because I think what I've done so far is innocuous enough.

Does this mean there is D-Land loyalty? I think it might.

IN other news, Jess is totally rubbing off on me. I saw an envelope to one of my co-workers yesterday, to which several stamps were affixed. One, of Leonard Bernstein in a tuxedo, caught my eye. Now, Leonard Bernstein was attractive enough, I guess, though not really my type. But when I saw the stamp, taken from a photograph taken at the onset of middle age, in which he faced the camera dead on, wearing a tuxedo that looked so much more pristine and classy by the fact that the picture was black and white, I could not help but think, "Damn, that is one fine-looking stamp!"

What I'm wearing:

What I'm reading:

What I'm doing after this: