26 November 2001 - 10:54 p.m.

Dear Diary,

Yes, it's me, your old pal J-Pell, back after her longest absence (an entire week) from DiaryLand since Pication '01.

Needless to say, there hasn't been much going on here, but a couple of things happened on Thanksgiving that are worth noting.

Thing the first: Bea Arthur is not that ugly.

You know, I curse the day people started calling Bea Arthur a man. It's just not true! Tall woman + big nose DOES NOT equal man.

I bring this up because there was a Golden Girld marathon on Lifetime on Thanksgiving, and we of course watched several hours of it. During the commercial breaks, Bea Arthur was doing little promos, and I'll tell you why - she looks better than Betty White and Rue McClanahan! Have you seen Rue lately? She looks like crap. Betty White looks slightly better, but she's shrunken a whole lot. Also, I don't know if Lifetime will forgive her for Lake Placid. It's a strange day when you wake up to find that Lifetime, too, has gotten some standards. Strange, but comforting.

Thing the second: My mom bought a cornucopia.

My mom did not buy a cornucopia for Thanksgiving, but, in fact, for fall. She had it in time for the bitchin' neighborhood cocktail partay, so I shouldn't get too critical. But then, when I was helping her put the food on the table for Thanksgiving dinner, she asked me to move the cornucopia to make room for the turkey. And I thought, "Oh my God. Here I am, moving the ubiquitous Thanksgiving cornucopia."

My mother is a creative person who works with a whole bunch of floral designers. She could have gotten any centerpiece she wanted, for free or close to it. But no. She wanted to go the ubiquitous route. She had to get the ubiquitous cornucopia.

Sorry if I'm overusing the word ubiquitous. There aren't many situations in which ubiquitous can be overused.

What I'm wearing:

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What I'm doing after this: